Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This Is Not Possible

I am so bored! This is terrible and I'm going crazy sitting here every single day and night. Don't get me wrong, I love watching endless episodes of The Office. And I love living in constant vacation mode, but I think I might start pulling my hair soon.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Hey, It's Monday!

I paid bills today. That was the first thing I accomplished this morning. Then I went to school and took a Philosophy test. I started a new medication last week so I'm still figuring out how it's working and affecting me. Who knows.
Anyway, our test was pretty straight forward and my sister and I found a good way to remember everything for it. We decided to relate the info to things in our lives. For instance, we were studying Hysteria and what the traits were for someone who had it. We could really only think of one person who had, and I'm not kidding, pretty much every single trait on the list. So after discussing these details, we decided to perform a social experiment on this person. For our own sick pleasure, of course. Because, y'know, why not? We will be tracking this person's every move, emotion, snarky remark, shitty look, but more scientifically, every hysterical trait that he/SHE may (absolutely) possess. We live in a constant vacation; we need to entertain ourselves somehow.
Geesh, what else. There is seriously nothing going on right now. And it's driving me insane. Oh, okay, here's something. I'm trying to get into freelance writing and it's, big surprise, not as easy as I thought it would be. I really enjoy writing and I think I can write on several different topics so if you come across anything, please let me know! I've applied for a few different jobs but nothing has really come of it so far. I've been checking my email more obsessively than I normally do and it's really starting to bum me out. I actually just checked it, just now, and got denied. Sad.
Well I should wrap up this boring post with a quick shout out to someone I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for my fiancee. Smile :) He moved out here with me and we're living with my parents right now and he's been such a trooper! My family is not easy to live with and we have zero privacy. He sold his car before we left so we could have money to move and pay MY bills. Of course he's been a little fussy here and there but who wouldn't be under these circumstances? I know I would be a psycho if the tables were turned. But, then again, his family situation is WAY different than mine. (Lucky) Kidding! (Not Really)

Until I have something relevant to say,
September

Sunday, November 1, 2009

WHOA.

It's literally been forever since I've written to my beloved Internet. I am so sorry. Please don't leave me. I've been busy (not really) with school and trying to look for a job (halfheartedly). Things are bad in this economy, y'know. (Whatever). Personally, I think you make your own luck and create your own destiny and whatnot.
Moving on, I live in California now! It's November 1st and the temperature is going to be in the 90's today. I went Trick-or-Treating with my sisters last night under clear skies. That would never happen in T-Town; Halloween there is always cold and rainy. Toledo has a way of poetically keeping your happiness in check.
I think, since it's November, we should all remind ourselves of what we're thankful for. I may write more today, but right now I'll end this with one simple observation I made this morning. The sun is shining and the grass is (finally) growing.

What more could I ask for?
-September

Monday, July 6, 2009

I just found this in the dirt

Story time! I was walking along the road today and I found this crumpled piece of paper resting beside a daisy.. Of course I picked up this seemingly innocent piece of garbage because I'm very Earth conscious (or maybe just nosey).. I found some peace in reading the thoughts scribbled on the page and thought I'd share. I'm sure we've all had a day like this person has. Enjoy!

"I feel like my life is someone else's stupid joke. Yeah well FU whoever's laughing because it's not funny. My boss is such a dick. I wish I could tell him to go F himself ... and throw that ugly Coach bag in his face. "Hey (boss) F OFF. You're not hot. You're a douche" He's so gross and totally ruins the case to date hot guys....Fucker. I want those glasses from Urban Outfitters that say that on them then send them to (boss) for his birthday. "Hey Happy Birthday Fucker". Yesterday was all down hill after work and since (bf) was actually really nice I'll have to take it all out on (boss) today. So Fuck him for screwing up school for me and making my dad leave again and for (bf) not taking me to his LAN party and let's not forget - my hours! Dickhole. I'd like to see him try to survive on less than $200/week. I mean, don't get me wrong - That's a more than fair wage in a 3rd world country. So maybe I should just STFU and be greatful. As I sit here and have ramen noodles for dinner..."

The rest was pretty torn up and I could barely read it. But you get the jist... I'm sure we've all had a boss like that who only cares about himself and days like that when things just don't go your way. I hope this disgruntled author has a better day coming up soon. For now, I will be thankful for the wonderful boss I have and all of the things he's done to help me out. Thanks BOSS!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

UPDATE

Hi. I wanted to let you know that I lasted 3 days without eating meat. Then I had Taco Bell (Nachos, 2 soft tacos and a chicken chalupa supreme). Surprisingly, it wasn't as good as I had been anticipating. I'm sure you've all had this experience.
I'm currently on my lunch break at work; I had ramen noodles again. It's 400 calories for the whole packet and 9 WW points. I had a whole wheat english muffin with strawberries and cream cheese for breakfast (YUM!). I eat the healthiest while I'm here because I'm so preoccupied with work instead of food, go figure!
I'm working on my sister's graduation party this week. I'm doing the decorations and couple surprises here and there. I think she might read this blog from time to time so I won't spoil anything just yet. We will be having BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, a chocolate fountain with fruit, tea sandwiches, cookies, mini WW brownies, and a picture cake! I'm so excited for her! I cried at her graduation ceremony. I couldn't even wait until they said her name, I was already falling apart! My roommate (bf) knew enough to just let me be and rubbed my back a little in support. The little sister, on the other hand, stared at me and kept asking what was wrong with my face. I used to call the middle sister "my little sister." She used to be so much smaller than me and need protecting. Not anymore! Now, she's taller than me and has her own little sister to keep track of. I can't help but to tear up at the thought of her growing up. I'll post a couple pictures when I get home. For now, you're all invited to attend:

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

My Wish Is Everyone's Wish

I'm sick of feeling "fat". I'm not really obese, I mean, I'm not obese at all really. I'm just not too tall so any weight I have on me looks (feels) like too much. Anyway, so I'm sick of bitching about it and not recognizing myself in the mirror. I tried (totally half-ass) to stick with Weight Watchers and it was actually very helpful in determining portion sizes. I want to try to do the vegetarian thing for a while and see how that goes. Now, I want to make something perfectly clear: I LOVE TO EAT MEAT AND I AM IN NO WAY SUPPORTING PETA. They're crazy. I'm just trying to create a healthier lifestyle for myself. I'm not cutting out milk or cottage cheese because I'm a woman and I need calcium in a natural form (not from vitamins). So right now I'm at about 135/140 and I'm 5' 4". I'll keep you posted on my progress (as if you care! I'm really just using you, internet, as a way to keep track of how I'm doing. Sorry.) I didn't have any meat today but I did have a little bit of milk and cheese. And maybe a Nutella Crepe at Ihop. But I did have a Diet Dew so that makes up for it, right? Yeah. It does.

Moving on. My sister recently shared some of her feelings regarding our upcoming journey across the country. I do share some of her feelings but I am in a different phase in my life, therefore, my feelings are a little different. I am scared to leave. I'll admit it. I'm scared that I won't fit in AT ALL in L.A. I don't really feel at home here, so how could I feel at home in a place where most of my insecurities would be on display for all to judge. For example, I have clear skin. Not "clear" as in a nice complexion, "clear" as in ZERO PIGMENT and you can see my organ systems working. Also, as mentioned above, I'm not in any kind of physical shape to be wearing shorts and stuff. There's a laundry list of issues I'm having so I'll stop there. I'm sure you get the idea. I'm sad to leave because this place has been the only stability I've had in my life and I'm comfortable in this slump I've created. I'm overjoyed at the thought of leaving here and never looking back, though. I'm not worried that I will fail in CA because it can't be worse than never really trying in the first place. I used to be terrified of failure and have this mindset that everyone expected me to be perfect. I would stress myself out at a young age trying to do everything perfect and trying to make everyone happy. Well, several therapists and breakdowns later, I realize that's not possible. To say the least. I have to be okay with failing as long as I know in my heart that I tried my hardest. Defense mechanisms be damned!

I'll have to stop there because the Dew is wearing off and it's 1 am and I should be at work on time tomorrow. Thanks for listening, or at least skimming. We'll talk soon.

Love, September

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Check it Out

Late Start

What's up Internet? I hope you had a nutritious breakfast to get your day started on the right track. I, for the first time ever, had an omelet. Kind of. I got the recipe out of this month's Cosmo (I know, isn't it crazy that they have something actually useful in there for once instead of some "69 Tips On How To Blow Your Bf's Dad" bullshit??). Anyway, you take 4 eggs (1 yolk, 4 whites) and add peppers and tomatoes. I hate tomatoes, and normally vegetables in general, so I finely chopped up some red peppers, green peppers and onions and fried it in the pan with the eggs and some olive oil spray. Verdict: YUM! I have been making a point to eat more vegetables lately so this was a huge step for me! Moving on... I get a few magazine subscriptions for free and, besides Cosmo, I also get Body+Soul. I love it! It took a couple issues to warm me up, but I really like it now. It has a lot of practical tips and ideas and lots of interesting articles. Some of the recipes are a little too...I'll say "healthy" for me but I guess I could work up to that one day.
Let's see, what else...Oh I made small To Do list for today to get the ball rolling on getting ready to move. Aqui:
-Pick out what gets sold in the garage sale: Andre's desk, chess table, my desk?, tv stands, futon, iron bed, dressers, wine glasses
-Go through clothes in the "storage room": what gets tossed, washed, and thrown out
-Get Aunt Julie's books ready for Ebay (My great-aunt gave us all of her books when she moved into her apartment. Tons of great books including at least 1 first edition! That doesn't get sold though)
-Filing/scanning files to put on disc

We'll also be cancelling cable soon. All of our favorite finales are over so we don't need cable anymore anyway. We'll be keeping the Internets of course (can't live without Hulu!). Well I better get to work if I ever expect to actually finish this list. Which, realistically, I won't. But I learned in Body+Soul that it's ok to take it easy and go at my own pace...great advice for a lifetime procrastinator and chronic ADD sufferer. I'm keeping a positive attitude though.
Well have fun with the rest of your Saturday, Internet. I'll be nearby if you need anything.

Toodles, September

Monday, May 11, 2009

I Guess I'm Moving Too

So the roommate and I have thought a lot about it and we're going to move to CA with my dad! I have no idea on any solid details yet but I need something, anything, to look forward to right now!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Fuzzy Brained Wednesday

Hello.
FYI I feel like I ate cotton balls and bubbles for breakfast. My head's empty. I have 342,378,465,237,846,529,873,465,872,634 things to get done and one very important part of me is non-functioning right now. I took my medicine and ate a healthy meal and downed a Pepsi Max, but I'm still a mindless idiot. I think I'll take the trash out and get part of my living room back. That should help. And if anyone's wondering, I friggin love not being at work all day. @ MyBoss: Don't think so highly of yourself and the effect you have on my life. I get to leave at 1 p.m. everyday and come home and watch hours upon hours of Fam Guy. I mean, I may not have extra money for frivolous things like food or warmth, but I'll survive. In the words of Andy Bernard, "You may have won this battle, but I'll win the next... battle."

My sister has a new blog now too. Fun! I love her. She's a keeper. I added her link to my list on the right so check it out and enjoy!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Postponed Post

I was going to get on here and write about how I found these sites where people have created lists of things to do in thier life, but Amy just called me to go to Target and pick out Easter basket items. I will finish this post with my own list (because heaven knows I need some goals!) later on. Peace friends! Go plant some flowers or ride your bike; it's gorgeous outside!

-Septiembre (September en espaƑol)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The F Word

We've started watching "The F Word" on BBC America and I love it! We were already huge fans of Chef Gordon Ramsay, but this seals the deal for us. He's so different on this show from how he is on Hell's Kitchen, for the most part. He still has little challenges for wannabe chefs and is pretty rotten to them, but he's way nicer and more friendly to his other guests. Moving on... I have been m.i.a. on here for the past week or so for a couple reasons. My roommate got pneumonia and was in the hospital for 4 days last week. He hasn't been able to work in 2 weeks and tomorrow is his first day back. It was incredibly stressful for me while he was sick and in the hospital. I was worried about him and worried how he could let it get to the point it did. It's hard to take care of a grown person on such a infant-like level without letting it affect the relationship. My boss is still up in the air about my hours which put a big strain on my attitude about juggling work and the roommate. Part of me is scared to get my hours cut even though I do have a make-shift plan put together. I really want to look it this as a blessing though. I will only have to work 20 hours a week - 4 hours a day! I can finally have my life back and focus on doing things for my future instead of spinning wheels for my present. I've cut back on a few of my expenses and I feel more in control rather than freaking out because things are changing.
Finally, I got my free issue Body+Soul magazine in the mail today and I love it! The one I got was the January/February issue and it has this "challenge" to transform your body/soul into "a new you". It goes week by week with tips and tools to follow. Day 1 has a few questions to consider:

1. What are the healthiest-and least healthy- aspects of your diet?
-healthiest = I drink at least 4 glasses of water each day
-least healthy = probably my one a day ramen habit and my need for chocolate after every meal

2. Do you have particular weaknesses?
-I think I do = chocolate, chips, and take out when I wait too long between snacks. I hate being hungry and I make bad choices when I get to that point.

3. What, if anything, would you like to change about your food choices?
-I would like to choose more fresh foods instead of ready made ones. I want to eat more vegetables and fruits every day as a habit, not out of forcing myself to do it


That's all for now friends. Take care of your body, you only get one!

-September

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Test...Passed!

I finally figured out how to post blog entries from my phone! an hour later....

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Yay Mary Kay!

This evening I attended a Mary Kay Bingo rally with a couple friends. One has recently become a consultant and invited us to go along with her to score some free products, or so we thought. We were crammed into a small(ish) hotel conference room with about 100 other women and 2 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos; right away I noticed it was not a good ratio. The emcee was a woman from our area who had crazy high sales and was at the top of the chain in whatever region or section she belonged to. She, very enthusiastically, proceeded to tell us how wonderful and lavish her life is and how her goal is to get every consultant to the level she's at. She called up the upper levels of consultants for testimonials and goals and more enthusiasm about Mary Kay makeup. I hate to say this because I know it sounds like a stereotype or a generalization or whatever, but at one point it started to feel a lot like a cult (or a non-denominational church with too much confidence. Sorry I had to say it, you know what I'm talking about). Anyway, even with the foundation caked smiles and over-the-top enthusiasm I did manage to take something away from the experience: a plan b. These women have managed to create a business and a backup plan for themselves. That's definitely more than I can say for myself at this point. I work for an insurance broker who I'm sure is crapping his pants daily in fear of the government nationalizing health care. There have been other assistants in our office who have had their hours cut already and I didn't think it could happen to me. Well, it's time for me start creating a plan b. I could panic and worry and not do anything OR I could take control of my future and see this as a blessing in disguise. I'm not really into the idea of being a make up, party food, or sex toy consultant, but I would love to have my own small side business. I am considering my options carefully and will post updates and hopefully a conclusion will be reached within the next month.

Thanks for always being there for me,

September

Saturday, February 28, 2009

I Heart Blogs

One of the interests I have listed in my About Me section is learning new things. I LOVE learning new things, it's part of my love for change. It keeps you feeling fresh, which I think is very important in life. I live in a small-ish city in a secluded part of the county. By secluded I mean that not a lot gets in and people are somewhat forgotten about here. I first found out what blogs were about two years ago. I wasn't very involved in the Internet beyond MySpace so I didn't really have a clue what was going on beyond the 419. I had (and still currently have) zillions of magazine subscriptions and one day when I was looking through Jane they had a small article about Sarah from Pink of Perfection. I looked up her blog and instantly fell in love with it. I read all through her posts and followed all of the links she had in them. I also followed all of the links she had in her "Links" section and read through those blogs and followed those links and so on until it was apparent that a better, more interesting, life did exist beyond The Great Black Swamp. It felt like my whole world had instantly opened up! I found so many other people who shared the same interests as me, but I also found new things that I never knew I liked. I found this add-on for Firefox called Foxmarks to organize all of my bookmarks since they were starting to get a little out of control. So, below is a list I put together of some of the blogs/websites that have influenced me, taught me something, or just piqued my interest. Feel free to share yours favs with me!

Be well, do good deeds, and stay in touch,
September


1. Pink of Perfection
2. Dooce
3. Zen Habits
4. Wisebread
5. Geekologie
6. Marc and Angel Hack Life
7. Apartment Therapy
8. Create!
9. DIY Life
10. Dumb Little Man
11. Etsy
12. Found Magazine
13. PostSecret
14. Frock Shop
15. The Sartorialist
16. Go Fug Yourself
17. My Dollar Plan
18. Giveaway of the Day
19. My My
20. Joe's NYC
21. Flickr
22. Photobucket
23. The Martha Blog
24. Download Squad
25. Yahoo! Shine







Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Get Two Birds Stoned At Once

The dress I wore to my work banquet had this half-sweater that went over it and can be worn over other shirts too. I wore the half-sweater to work today with my favorite purple tank top, then notice the hook part of the hook-and-eye was about to fall off. I looked disheveled anyway this morning and with my shirt undone, I just looked like I was out drinking last night and wore that same outfit to work. So, I decided to take a chance and ask if anyone had a needle and thread and try to fix my shirt. Luckily someone did have a little sewing kit so I proceeded to sew the hook back on, totally not concerned what my boss would think. It felt so fulfilling to fix my shirt that I sewed the buttons back on my jacket too. I love sewing and making things and fixing things; it's so therapeutic for me. My next thought was 'I wonder how much more awesome this would feel if I could do this and get paid for it?' Probably pretty awesome. Doing what I love AND getting paid for it - getting two birds stoned at once. (I would love to take credit for that because it's so clever, but I can't. It's from Trailer Park Boys.) Anyway, the whole sewing kit thing made me think about what kinds of things should be kept in my purse .... Maybe later though. This post is boring me to death. It sounded like an interesting subject this morning, but its putting me to sleep now. Can I talk about how my job is sucking the life out of me instead? I don't mean to be a bitcher but goddammit work sucks. Have you ever felt like if you do the same thing one more time your soul might actually leave you in hopes of a better life somewhere else? I'm sure you have. And I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry, soul. I'm sorry you're stuck in my boring life with my boring job and dickhole boss. My roommate isn't any help either. Right now he's playing Saints Row with his friend on his headset. I'm sure it's fun for him, but it's hella lame for me. I'll try this again tomorrow, maybe I can muster the smallest bit of inspiration to write something the tiniest bit interesting.

Peace out.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Pity Party!

You are cordially invited to attend a Pity Party in my honor tonight from 5 pm until question mark. Cheerios will be served as an appetizer with a delicate dinner of fried perogies and diet 7Up. Hope you can make it!

HA! I fooled you. There's no party. I'm here by myself. It sucks when my roommate has to work evening shifts. Even though we spent everywakingsecond together over the weekend, I still miss him when he's not here with me (tear). Whatever. Moving on. I had my work banquet on Saturday night and it actually ended up being a lot of fun. Plus a lot of booze. I didn't get black-out drunk or make out with anyone or anything like that. I did dance my ass off, though. It felt so good! The dinner was excellent; I had a filet drenched in garlic butter with purple mashed potatoes, carrots and green beans. My filet was cooked perfectly medium rare. It was so good!

There is a lot more I wanted to touch on tonight, but my friend just asked me to go to power hour with her at this shit hole biker bar so...I'm out! I'll be back soon, don't worry.

Cordially,

September

Saturday, February 21, 2009

'I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face'

Oh, wow. Sorry about that last post; it's just unbearable to read and I sincerely apologize. I started taking Ritalin about a week ago and I was very skeptical at first but, after reading that post and having the day I had on Thursday, I realize that it's imperative I take it everysingleday for the rest of forever (and then I should probably still double up on it just to be safe). Sadly, it's somewhat of a joke in my family about our "ZDD" (our last name is Zucchinibread and we oh-so-cleverly switched the 'A' for the 'Z' and, well, you get it) because it's so obvious we all have it. We're a comically stereotypical big Italian family with ADD and if we had a reality show, it would be more of a mindf*ck to watch than anything E has to offer. Ok, moving on. I took some pictues and rounded up a few questions that will help us to get to know each other a little better. The questions are from a list I compiled while networking socially via MySpace and Facebook (no links here; everyone knows where these sites are and no one needs to be encouraged to join them). Enjoy, friends:

Where'd you get that fancy blog name?
> "No Name" was the name of the only jellyfish that Sponge Bob couldn't catch. It was the most special one to him since it was unattainable. (Deep, I know.)

What about that weirdo alias?
> It was my Second Life name. There was an episode of "The Office" where Jim finds Dwight's Second Life character so, naturally, I had to get on there and create my own avatar. The laptop I had at the time was outdated and the video card couldn't support the game properly so I didn't go very far with it.
Why do you abbreviate random words? It's not funny.
> I just do it. My brother started it, it rubbed off on me, and I never looked back.


Typical Myspace survey Q's

-Are you dating anyone, if so, who?
= Yes. The person I'm dating is referred to as "my roommate" on here.
-What is your current living situation?
= me+roommate+Butterball (fat cat) and Lucy ( baby rat)

-What are you listening to?
= the steady hum my roommate's computer and the media center computer. And The All American Rejects

-Best way to start the day?
= With Beaners and Hawaiian music.

Facebook - Random Things about me
a. The only bottled water I drink is Dasani.
b. I can't have music on while I'm writing because all of my thoughts turn to singing the song that's on.
c. 'When you see my face I hope it gives you hell.' See, I told you. I can't do it
d. I've been effin' around all morning and I forgot to get shoes + stuff for my work banquet tonight!

Picture time.
1. Sugar Free Mocha Hazelnut Skim Grande not hot!
2. My littlest sister and me when I was 15. she was only a couple months old then :) She's 8 now!
3. Ganesha - my Vday gift to my roommate last year
4. A picture Hal took of a Red Panda; he framed it and send it to me. It's very special to me because it a sense, it is me.







Thursday, February 19, 2009

Just a Few Things - Pt. 1

Hi, how are you? How was your day? I hope you ate something healthy. I just wanted to mention a few things that have been on my mind lately...

A. I read this blog regularly called Dooce because it's writer is so ... I don't know, honest? She's great, her blog is such a relief to read during the day. And it always amazes me when she posts things her readers send to her that are negative. I can't think of anything negative to say about anything she's ever written or photographed, but some people just pick her apart. It's sad, it's rude and so unnecessary. What kind of person would go out of their way just to bring someone down? I'm sure it's the same kind of people that will cut you off and slow down or the people who will sit there bitch about things they can easily change. Whatever. I heart you Heather Armstrong of Dooce. Those nasty readers can suck it.

B. I love South Park. Call me immature, but it's hilarious and smart (believe it or not). Right now it's in its off-season and Comedy Central is airing re-runs. Up until the other night I was under the impression that I had seen every single episode. I was so wrong. There was one that I hadn't seen and my roommate (my boyfriend) admitted that he was trying to shield me from it. You see, Internet, we don't know each other very well yet but soon enough you will come to learn that I am a HUGE fan of a select few celebrities. They are: Victoria Beckham, Christian Bale, and Britney Spears. I will defend these people whom I've never met until the bitter end. Anyway, this episode was all about Britney. It, very accurately, explained the way she is treated by the media. That's all I will say about it because it made me so upset. Britney's a person too, she's a regular person who makes mistakes and breathes in and out. I wish some people would understand that and let her live her friggin life. So There.

Okay I'm tired and it's time for me to take a shower and go to bed. I also didn't take my new medicine this morning so I haven't really been bangin' on all cylinders today. I was kind of a mess, which makes me very happy because now I know for sure that I do need this medicine and I'm not just taking it to lose weight. But that is an awesome perk. So, have a good night and sweet dreams! I will see you in the a.m. (figuratively of course - you shouldn't start stalking me this early in the relationship) :))

Monday, February 16, 2009

Great Expectations

Long story short about my Valentines Day: I didn’t get the ring. I did get a card. And laughed at. It was never about the ring itself; it was about not feeling like I’ve wasted the past 4 years of my life. I can’t even really think about it because I hate the feeling I get when I try to process all of the sh*t we've been through. Right now I’m crushed. My world is very grey and foggy and I don't know where to turn to next. It doesn’t make sense that I would feel that way since he’s the only person that doesn’t/hasn’t made me feel special; I feel worthless – all of the time. Most of the time it’s subtle things that I don’t notice until I stop and I’m like “wtf?? That’s not right, why are you doing this?” but then he acts like I’m overreacting and I can’t tell if I am or not. I thought I was a good person, I had all of these ideas on how a relationship was supposed to work and none of that is true in real life. I just want to know what is right. I want to know if it’s me. I mean, is it all in my hands to not feel worthless? Is it all on me to do the things I want us to do together, alone? And, why is it that I feel so empowered reading stories of women who left their husbands/boyfriends/lives behind and started over brand new with a new life? Everything was so hard for them but they came out a better, happier person after it was all over. I’m just confused. I set a deadline and promised myself I would leave if it wasn't met. Not only was it not met, it was made a joke of. My heart, my feelings, goals, plans for our life together, was all brushed off and his concentration was moved to a new 47" High Def TV. Really? Am I that easily dismissible? Do I have any self-respect left at all now? It's sad that one person who makes such a tiny and seemingly insignificant effect on the world can completely tear down mine.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Post-Vday Blog Creation

Hello Internet, my name is September. I don't enjoy long walks on the beach nor do I enjoy smooth jazz (regular jazz is acceptable, though). I am a 20-something female living the bustling city of Toledo (please note the sarcasm). "Where/WTF is Toledo?", you might ask....well it's a black hole located just south of the Michigan line in Northwest Ohio. You see, I've coined it's description as "black hole" due to the fact that whatever comes into Toledo never really comes out. People who move here never leave, money that comes into the city never really amounts to anything, sunshine is swallowed up, dreams are broken daily, and the list really goes on and on. My great grandfather came here from Italy with aspirations of building a better life for himself and his family. Why he chose Toledo to start this journey, I have no idea. Being a fourth generation Toledoan, the only thing I know for sure is that it's time to realize my great grandfather's dream and GET THE F*CK OUT while there's still time.

Okay, to start this relationship out the right way, I've got to admit that I lied already. I know I should have learned to stop lying by now, but I'm still a work in progress. My name is not September and I just started liking non-smooth jazz just over a year ago. I am using this pseudonym so I can be honest about everything that's buzzing around my brain. Writing is my passion and I don't think it's worth it if I'm not able to be completely honest. I will add more to my About Me section at some point today, but now I have to get a coffee and a paper and finally start my day!

With all the love I have left after Valentines Day,

September